Country Wisdom from Crow Mountain Orchard in Northern Alabama

Contents

The Top 10 Secrets to Relating to Older Loved Ones

The Top Ten Ways to Be a Better Parent to Your Teen

The Top Ten Ways to Live Fully According to the Golden Rule

The Top 10 Secrets to Relating to Older Loved Ones

Life does not stand still, but many older folks wish it would. Many older folks long for the "remember when..." days--the days when they felt as invincible as we do today. This Top 10 helps us to honor and connect to the older folks we love so much.

1. Honor their wisdom. Bottom line here is life is a tremendous teacher. They have been learning a lot longer than we have.

2. Listen with your heart. Not unlike us, older folks want to not only be heard, but really listened to. If you listen well enough, you can hear the message that they want YOU to have things in life that they never had. They are trying to tell you HOW. Listen.

3. Laugh with them. It happened one Sunday. Out of the blue, yet not unexpectedly. There was Grandma standing in the kitchen dressed for church with her purse on one shoulder, a dainty linen hankie in one hand, wearing her bra on the outside of her dress. A time for hugs and laughing and patience.

4. Hear their stories. Our lives are stories. Connecting people and places and years. The stories hold a person's life, dreams, successes, challenges, wins, defeats, and triumphs. An older person's stories are about what made them who they are. This is the WHO they still want for you to know and be with.

5. Trace the lines on their face. The lines are memories. See the smile lines around their eyes? Those you put there with the antics of your childhood. See the lines and marks on their hands? They came with washing dishes thousands of times, making beds, putting up the holiday decorations, assembling bicycles, building sandcastles with you. Honor your loved ones for what those lines represent.

6. Know that older people are you. Later. They ask themselves... "Wasn't it just yesterday I was that new bride, that new mommy, bought that first home, led that boy scout troop up the hiking trail, baked a zillion cupcakes as homeroom mother, drove the children to after-school activities, saw them hit home runs at high school games, packed them up for college, met their 'one and onlys,' walked them down the aisle of white, held my first grandchild? Where has the time gone... Who have I become? It seems like just yesterday..."

7. Understand the impact of loss. Aging involves loss. A lot of loss. This may include loss of independence, loss of friends, loss of bodily functions, loss of power, loss of their own home, loss of memory, loss of keen vision, loss of energy, loss of time, loss of hope, loss of a long future ahead, loss of skills, loss of life partners, loss of potency, loss of intimacy, loss of privacy, loss of familiar routines.

8. See the stubbornness as fear. Imagine what it might be like to enter a roomful of people at a party. Sounds like fun, right? Well, not so fast. The noise sounds like a wind tunnel because your hearing device doesn't function optimally in noisy, open areas. You are told that "everyone you know will be there," but deep inside you know that you can't remember their names. You can't even see well enough to watch them walking towards you which might give you time to TRY to remember...if you only could. And you can't remember for the moment who brought you here, so you feel some anxiety about when and how you are getting home. Sometimes...it feels easier to just stay home.

9. Show them the pictures. Nothing is as powerful for the human memory as a photograph. Take the time to sit with the ones you love. Show them the pictures. Watch their eyes dance and come alive. The remote memory storage areas will be jump-started and once again you will be blessed with another story revealing their soul.

10. Hold them close. This part is for you. There will come a time down the road when they and you won't be there to touch and hold. Do it now.

About the Submitter: Submitted by Jane R. Yousey, OTR/L, A life coach and geriatric occupational therapist, who can be reached at jane@lifedesigncoach.com, or visited on the web at http://www.lifedesigncoach.com

This content may be forwarded in full, with copyright, contact, and creation information intact, without specific permission, when used only in a not-for-profit context. For other uses, permission in writing from Coach U is required. Questions: email topten@coachu.com

1. Listen.
This may sound too simple, but it's so simple we often overlook the importance of just holding our tongue and hearing them out.

2. Be patient.
It's so easy to get frustrated with THEIR frustration, just take a deep breath, leave the room for a minute if you need to, just try to not lose your cool - lose your cool and you lose them.

3. Give them your time. Too often parents feel their job is done once kids hit their teen years - how wrong they are! They might act like you are the LAST person they want to be with, but just be available. Those rides in the car, those times just hanging out are important. They need you more than ever.

4. Reserve judgment.
It's easy to dismiss ideas, friends, requests without really thinking about it. I know as a parent that there have been times where I jumped to conclusions about certain friends that I may have heard rumors about. I TRY to now trust that my kids must see something good in this person and have them over to get to know them myself. So, give things some thought.

5. Be grateful for your child.
I know, when you have a rabid teen standing in front of you it's pretty hard to say thanks to the Universe for putting them in your life, but it's important to find something to appreciate about them even in the toughest times. Being grateful can really change your attitude from resentment to peace.

6. Seek support.
Talk with their friends' parents - you will find you are not alone. If problems seem overwhelming seek help from a professional - either a coach who works with teens, or a counselor. The important thing is to share, vent and know you are not alone.

7. Don't let go completely.
This goes along with being there. Follow up, check where they say they will be, let them know that you will be calling parents to find out if they'll be home, etc. Kids may say they hate you for it but there is a certain amount of security in knowing that your parents care enough to call, ask questions, and say no sometimes!

8. Pick your battles.
You can't fight every fight - pick your battles. You will live in a war zone if you jump on every little thing they say or do. Save the confrontations for the big things. For me this has meant that I (within reason - not everything goes!) don't make a big deal about hair and clothes for instance.

9. Have a sense of humor.
Learn to laugh at yourself and with your teen. Sometimes I look at myself and see what an idiot I've been when I've over reacted to something minor. Learning to apologize and laugh at myself has helped immensely.

10. Take care of yourself.
As always in life, practice Extreme Self Care. If you are over tired, stressed out and have no reserves yourself, you won't have the patience and energy to deal with your child. By taking care of you, you will take better care of your family.

A long time ago, someone asked Jesus what he must do to inherit eternal life. The Hebrew understanding for eternal life was life lived fully beginning now and lasting forever. The *right answer* is known as the Golden Rule. Basically, it says: Love the Lord your God with everything you've got, and love your neighbor as you love yourself. The next step, according to the story (Luke 10:25ff), is JUST DO IT! Here are some ways...

1. LOVE GOD - Worship regularly.
You will live longer if you go to church (scientific studies prove it!). However, worship is not just for Sunday church service time. Be aware of God's presence each day. Celebrate it in your own unique way. Find lots of ways to express your spirituality. Talk about it with God and with others.

2. LOVE GOD - have an Attitude of Gratitude. Make a list every day of 5 specific things you are grateful for in that day. Write it down. Give thanks. Faithfully done, this has life-changing power.

3. LOVE GOD - Live in the Present Moment.
THIS is the day that the Lord has made, according to the Psalms. So, accept the gift and stop the activity occasionally to be fully present in that moment. Let go of past preoccupations and future anxieties. Quiet the static in your head and let all 5 senses (and the 6th sense!) speak.

4. LOVE NEIGHBOR - Tell the Truth. We think that we spare people's feelings by keeping our feelings to ourselves. Sometimes we say YES when our insides are screaming NO (and vice versa). Sometimes our fear gets expressed as anger. Sometimes we forget to say what is good because we are pained by what is difficult. It is a gift of love to be openly and compassionately honest with another.

5. LOVE NEIGHBOR - Underpromise and Overdeliver. Better yet, make no promises, but faithfully keep relationship commitments. Enjoy giving more than others expect. Each day, do something extra for someone without expecting anything.

6. LOVE NEIGHBOR - Enjoy! Let the people around you know, without a doubt, how much you enjoy and appreciate them. Spend time just enjoying each other's company. Lighten up relationships. Laugh a lot!!

7. LOVE SELF - Accept this responsibility. People of faith often want to skip over this part. Did you? Because it's not Christian? It would be too self-centered? At least consider how crucial this love is for the other two loves to be possible. What would it mean for you to love yourself well? Remember: Jesus said it was part of the right answer about how to live fully.

8. LOVE SELF - write your own Top Ten. Make a list of 10 daily habits to do for yourself that will make you feel your best. Some suggestions: 15 minutes of meditation; a 30 minute walk; reading the newspaper; working on a hobby for 30 minutes, take vitamins, floss, phone a friend, etc.

9. LOVE SELF - get medical attention. What are you putting off? Getting a physical? Getting a recurring symptom checked? Following doctor's orders? Getting physically fit? We are spiritual beings having a physical experience. We can do both better with a body that works.

10. LOVE SELF - accept your limitations... ...and love yourself even more because of them! God created each of us human and wonderful (see Psalm 139) just the way we are!

This is not the first time this column has appeared in print and it is pretty sure not to be the last. The original author is unknown but whoever he (or she) is, he knows a thing or two about farmers.

Farmers are found in fields plowing up, seeding down, returning from, planting to, fertilizing with, spraying for, and harvesting.

Wives help them, little boys follow them, the Agriculture Department confuses them, city relatives visit them, salesmen detain them, meals wait for them, weather can delay them, but it takes heaven to stop them.

When your car stalls along the way, a farmer is a considerate, courteous, and inexpensive road service.

When a farmer's wife suggests he buy a new suit, he can quote from memory every expense involved in operating the farm last year, plus the added expense he is certain will crop up this year; or else he assumes the role of the indignant shopper, impressing upon everyone within earshot the pounds of pork (or apples) he must produce in order to pay for a suit at today's prices.

A farmer is a paradox: he is an overall executive with his home and office; a scientist using fertilizer attachments; a purchasing agent in an old straw hat; a personnel director with grease under his fingernails; a dietitian with a passion for apples, animals, and antibiotics; a production expert faced with a surplus; and a manager battling a price-cost squeeze.

He likes sunshine, good food, state fairs, dinner at NOON, auctions, his neighbors, Saturday night in town, his shirt collar unbuttoned, and above all a good soaking rain in August.

He is not much for droughts, ditches, throughways, experts, weeds, the eight-hour day, helping with the housework, or grasshoppers.

Nobody else is so far from the telephone, or so close to God. Nobody else gets so much satisfaction out of modern plumbing, favorable weather, and good ice cream.

Nobody else can remove all those things from his pockets and on wash day, still have overlooked: five staples, one cotter key, a rusty spike, three grains of corn, the stub end of a lead pencil, a square tape, a $4.98 pocket watch, and a cup full of chaff in each trouser cuff.

A farmer is both faith and fatalist: he must have faith to continually meet the challenges of his capacities amid an ever present possibility that an act of God (a late spring, an early frost, tornado, flood, drought) can bring his business to a standstill. You can REDUCE HIS ACREAGE but you cannot RESTRAIN HIS AMBITION.

Might as well put up with him--he is your friend, your competitor, your customer, your source of food and fiber, and self-reliant young citizens to replenish your cities.

He is your countryman: a denim-dressed, business-wise, fast-growing statesman of stature.

And when he comes in at noon having spent the energy of his hopes and dreams, he can be recharged anew with the magic words: THE MARKET'S UP

Dear Lord,
So far today, God, I've done all right.
I haven't gossiped.
Haven't lost my temper.
Haven't been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or overindulgent.
I'm really glad about that.
But in a few minutes, God, I'm going to get out of bed and from then on I'm probably going to need a lot more help.
Thank you.
In Jesus' name. Amen.



	Turned sideways, you should see an inspirational view of the Lord embracing us in his love. Contributed by Roger Johnson